What happens If

My current focus is more in the process of etching printing than on conceptualising. I am kind of worrying and questioning this place, as I feel more like a craftsman, not an artist. I like to call my self an artist perhaps because it sounds better. Deep down I feel like an impostor a guy that can learn a skill fast but is pretending to be an artist.

The lecture yesterday about “adjusting or disrupting your practice” was interesting , and it came at the right time. It helps me argument my impostor way of being.

During the lecture Jonathan presented and discuss this:

With my current work (referring to what i am doing now- the etchings) I feel I am mainly on the right side:

• interested in materials but aiming towards conceptualising

• I am using making to study and research what happens if I try this, what happens if I change the ratios in the sugar lift solution, what happens if I do the opposite of the advice received, and what happens if I let go of control.

• my current work is very intuitive and spontaneous. I think if a new drawing and I kinda of plan it in my mind. It’s building up slowly. I informing it from my inner thoughts, some things writhing are dream like, surreal and I like that. Than I’ll just feel is ready and I draw it.

• closer to continual because I am currently obsessed with making work so I finish my project but this will lead to a massive burnout very likely after the degree show.

• I’m interested in both process and outcome.

For my general practice:

• I am closer to conceptual as to me everything has to have a reason why? Even though I’m trying to de-learn asking this question and perhaps will be more helpful to ask what? As why can give me a reason not to even start a project, when what it will push me towards it I feel.

• Iterative making and research are essential parts of my practice. I learn and add towards my projects from both. Example: photographic wort: each photograph I make will ask for the next one in the visual narrative - is that sufficient grounds for iterative making ? With etching the experience gain on the previous plate transfer into the next plate. My Research is mainly visual I visit constantly galleries look at other artists books, Intrestred constantly in informing my self what was done and what are other artists doing now. I read, slowly I admit, literature as well. It’s hard to absorb.

• Intuitive and structured- I think I’m closer to intuitive. I don’t like spread sheets and scripts. I make and analyse and decide if it’s ok or not. Of course there is a small degree or structured planning but that often changes based on the sesorial process.

• As genaral practice I know I vent get fully obesed with projects, I get fully invested in what o do and this leads to burnout. I recognised this pattern during this course, more specifically when thinking ahead of my previous tutorial with Jonathan. This is inportant for me to recognise it as I can adjust and allow myself to recover and build strengtht and not feel bad about it. I will allow myself to do nothing during the recovery process if that’s what I need.

• Process and outcome equally important to me. I love using the camera, I love etching and my work to be in a good presentable way is very important too.

My practice was photography-based. This course supported and guided me to “break my practice apart” to get lost and that was ok, to say “ I don’t know what I am doing and where I’m going” and also helped understand how to start re-learning. It’s harder, I believe, to re-learn than to learn something new for the obvious reasons. This process led me to printmaking, and I believe that etching and printing will eventually feed back into my photographic practice, and the other way around and also interject. These processes are very related.

There’s a sense of alchemy in etching that I find obsessive. The acid “biting” into the zinc plate, the playful nature of preparing and applying materials like sugarlift (a mixture of sugar, water, oil, and ink) or soap ground (made from soap, chalk, oil, and water). These handmade solutions allow me to study a variety of surfaces and textures, giving the process an experimental and tactile dimension. What happens if I let the material lead? What happens if I stop trying to control the outcome completely Embracing the mistakes and accidents.

The process of etching printing allows me to bring into images my inner feelings and thoughts in a different way. I use the medium to explore my inner self, but also to study a totally new world to me.

Etching has become a meditative and therapeutic practice for me. The slowness and repetition in each step offer in return a quiet mind. I can get lost when I work with photography projects too, but now my inner me, my emotions, are somehow influencing the work much more visibly. I can feel my emotions and my thoughts when I look at my work. There is still more to leran in terms of articulating the work I make and answering the question why as is often fired by public, even though I personally try to avoid it.

I feel vulnerable speaking about these etchings, as they are so connected with who I am and how I feel. Making them at CSM Printmaking Workshop was empowering as Paul Dews , or his colleagues or my students peers never asked me about the work, instead I received comments like “Oh, that’s nice”. I did receive a comment “that’s an A+” for one of my prints from Paul which made me amazingly happy.

I’m finding that this process. of etching printing, opens up a space that photography doesn’t do as much for me, as I can create unique textures and forms that are somewhat predictable and controlled but there is a strong element of chance as well, which keeps me asking: what happens if I let chance decide? Each time I lift the paper from the etched plate after I run the press, I’m excited.

Painting with acid on metal evokes, of course, the act of classical painting, watercolours is the closest,  which I don’t master, but also the act of wet printing in the darkroom, where I would “paint with light” through the process of dodging and burning onto sensitive paper. The film projection on to the darkroom paper is negative, black becomes white and viceversa. The zinc plate is mirrored on to the paper. I intentionally do not draw for my etchings mirrored, because I like the effect I get.

The tools used for etching have remained unchanged for centuries and are very elementary. A tool that can make a mark on a wax surface, an acid bath of 1 to 20, and a printing press is sufficient to make etching prints. These tools connect to a long history of image-making. The method is simple: making marks onto a wax-covered zinc plate that resists acid in some areas while letting it etch the marked areas will create spaces that will hold ink. That ink is then transferred into paper using a printing press. This is an exciting process for me manual-based, physical, fully rewarding, and therapeutic. A space, similar to a darkroom, where I can get lost in time, where my thoughts are less loud.

This is my last etch that I made yesterday