I am experiencing the most horrible times to present. My wife Shaazia is unwell. The woman that keeps me going is in hospital. My love and my best friend is in pain and suffering. She had a high fever for few days, and after visiting the GP she was sent to AE for tests. She's in hospital since yesterday (Friday). The Dr think is a viral infection that is affecting her heart. They are monitoring her and investigating the cause of some irregularities in her heart as ECG and some other blood tests are not clear.

I am smashed, trashed, crumbled by the thought of anything bad happening. It's is governing my thoughts now. I'm bursting of pain and regrets. I can't show it as I need to keep my daughter out of my hell. My head is hurting and I feel week and dizzy. My tears are burning inside my face as I can't let them out. My chest is hurting and burning because of the adrenaline that is pumping my heart.

I don't know what to do and where to go, I'm so lost.

The doctors moved Shaazia last night from Hillingdon hospital to Harefield hospital for more checks. She had an Angiogram which ruled out heart attacks. I panicked when she had not responded to my messages, quite abruptly as we were taking on WhatsApp for 45 minutes. Thoughts that something awful might had happened fuelled me to write this as I had to let it out somewhere. I had to call for HELP.