The night was very long. Million of thought wondering trough hell. I felt very hot and I was worried I'm getting a temperature. Me getting ill now is not an option, Shaazia and Sara need me.

Sara doesn't talk much, I'm trying to help her communicate with me her feelings. She is very close to Shaazia. We both are, Shaazia is our center, our wonderful friend and mummy. I have to get close to Sara but also I want to give her space, so not sure how to aprouch her.

Over night so many though keep me up, I was keep repeating what the nurses told me, and hoping and praying Shaazia will fight this and get better and back home.

It's hard to keep coherent and to articulate at times, when I talk to people I find myself in long breaks. I cried a lot yesterday. I feel crying now.

I'll keep using this space as a diary as I hope will help me keep going.