As I think about the degree show, I am drawn back to my work on the Thames. I plan to move my chemigram and rayograph experimentation onto the river itself. Initially, I will test with smaller paper sizes, with the aim is to create prints while on the river. I might take some developer and fixer with me and improvise a way of processing the prints there. Similar to the work of Broomberg and Chanarin, my project will witness the river’s flow. I’m thinking of making large prints that could become a sculpture.

I am also thinking about the links to my grandfather’s photographic archive, exploring memory, the flow of life, and the actual flow of the Thames.

Regarding my drawings, which serve as sketches for my etchings, I wonder why I’m attracted to them and what they represent. Continuing to make prints will help me understand this link better. Are they a representation of my current understanding of my past? Are they a way of bringing forgotten and hidden memories and past evets to the surface? Are they a coping mechanism for the stress I’ve especially been exposed to over the past year? Many events took place in the past year. It’s nearly a year since Shaazia was hospitalized. Work has been incredibly and increasingly stressful. Recently, I was signed off from work due to severe anxiety and low mood caused by work related stress. I’m still recovering, and I’ve been advised to have a phased return to work over eight weeks. Ironically, the moment this happened, I also almost “collapsed” creatively. After an intesnive period of time making prints at CSM culminating with the low rez I burnedout so took a break from making for the past three weeks. I really needed the break. Just couple of weeks before I had a chat with Jonathan about this being the way that works for me, and it happened again. I did some reading, looked at photo books, and did lots of reflection. It seems to have helped, because I now have new questions I want to explore through art-making, and a clearer vision of what I want to make and show for the graduation show.

I’m interested in photo books and visual narratives, perhaps because I like stories, and I know that storytelling helps in dealing with struggles. I chat with my therapist every week for an hour. I tell her stories so she can identify patterns and help create a plan for retraining my brain. Telling stories helps me organize my chaotic thoughts, process emotions, and support self-understanding. This might keep my listeners boring, but mainly the stories are for me. I was advised by my psychiatrist to be tested for ADHD. She thinks there’s a connection between my behavior, anxiety, and low mood, and believes it might be related to ADHD. She thinks it could have been triggered as a coping mechanism under traumatic events in my childhood. It makes sense, but for now, I’m avoiding getting the test. I’m not entirely sure why yet.

 I wonder if there is a connection between my drawings, the way I sequence my work, the way I like to tell stories trough visuals, my mental hellth, my meories and past experiences, my grandfathers work. Why did I collected all his work and broth it to UK? Why I started to "see" his work whan I was wokring on the chmigrams book? I need to find out what is connecting these elements into my practice. And there is the river Thames to which Im drawn again. Or is the river the catalyst?

The processes I use feel very similar. Photography is drawing with light, and printing from an etched plate, which goes through several stages, is quite similar to printing from a photographic negative. Also I tryed, after thought by Zoe (from year one), acid spit bighting, (as a method of making marks on a zink plate prior to printing) which in a way is similar to how I make my chemigrams. On a plate, I’m painting with acid; on light-sensitive paper, I’m painting with chemistry. Both are very exciting processes, and both are driven by chance.