Curating the blog - emotional process

I realised that I'm very emotional as I started thinking of curating the blog. Yesterday I sent a message to our WhatsApp group that I had thought of deleting the blog, so I would fail and stick around, but it won't be the same without my peers. It was a great journey, being part of the program, part of the group. Jonathn has been amazing in supporting and leading us towards new discoveries, tailored to individual needs. A great example of a good educator, thank you, Jonathan. It was a journey with ups and downs, with joy and frustrations, with challenging moments, with disappointments. I should say that for this to be a great journey, it must come to a conclusion. The below quote resonates with my mind while I'm engaging the coping mechanism.

(as) “you understand that black implies white, self implies other, life implies death (or shall I say death implies life?), you can feel yourself – not as a stranger in the world, not as something here on probation, not as something that has arrived here by fluke - but you can begin to feel your own existence as absolutely fundamental.” Alan Whats

Even with the above, preparing for this last submission, it almost feels like a ...funeral? Depressing uh! Man up, Daniel! My old me would have said, but today I will allow myself to just be and embrace what I feel.

I feel sad for this to end but feel ready, I feel I have the tools, the means, the drive to keep going on to being an artist. I learned it here. When I joined, I wasn't entirely sure if I could call myself one, even though I was using the term. I joined the course to learn to be one and I did.

Over the past many many weeks, well, since the beginning of the year, as I realised that this will end soon, I became obsessed with "doing uni work". I visited CSM campus 2-3 times per week, to be able to do it, I lied at work, I called in sick, I used annual leave, I ran from work duties, as this became central and more important. I used the time to learn printmaking. I like to take my time to understand the process, as I become obsessed with details, I justify this with the fact that the whole is made of small details, and if I miss them, I fear I will misunderstand. I will miss the print-making studio; Paul has been a great teacher. Weekends were used to go out and photograph on the Thames, or I made charcoal sketches. It's been tough, I miss spending time with my daughter and wife, as I spend so much time away from them, they are supportive, so I'm blessed. I will use this momentum to keep going, but at a different pace. I knew, I know this won't be sustainable, but I wanted to make the most of the MA program. I purchased etching press, and I will be using the next few weeks to finish my setup in my small studio in my garden shed at home. I am looking to join a printing studio where I could be around print makers as my style and practice evolve. I will submit my prints for exhibitions, and I will be looking for residencies. I will work on this plan, and I will use it as a guide. My photography practice will still be expanding, trying new ways of engaging with the medium, similarly I will with book-making and, of course, my teaching practice, which also evolved during the MA program. I will be looking for new opportunities as a lecturer, but I am also thinking of expanding my Pg Cert in Professional Academic Practice into an MA, as I want to know more about being an educator. Thinking of making plans for a future PhD as my interdisciplinary practice is further developing and evolving.

As a plan for finalising Unit 3 :

• go through all blogs - I know I didn't make keywords, it would have been easier, but I think there will be a better value for me seeing them all and undertsand my journey better.

• mark the relevant posts accordingly within the learning outcomes

• bulet point a final reflection based on my story while on this course

• identify possible ideas that I just touch the surface in explaing them (i can thnk of a few) as posible new projects

• create a plan for going forwards as an artist

• create a plan of embedding and revising my teaching practice with the new way of thinking and being. I am looking for new opportunities.

• this list might expand