Today was awful as Shaazia went through a lot. They still trying to find out what's going on with her. She's not stable, she feels tired and she's in pain and discomfort. The dr and nurses are nice and caring. They are working hard to figure out and to help her. They did a scan on her heart, which was not fully conclusive. They put a direct IV in her other arm, and the Dr struggled to do it so that was a bit hellish for her. I was there on the ward. Another dr came and she managed to get the IV in the other hand. One of the patients saw me in distress and she talked to me. It helped.

One of her best friends called me as they were worried for Shaazia. I burst out crying becoming unable to communicate. They were nice and supportive.

I feel lost, I feel I'm crumbling, it's impossible to understand how we got here and why. I have lost faith in religion some while back. Will

It help trying to comunicate with God? Why will God hear me? I'm a spec of dust in the universe. Her fried and husband came to the hospital to offer support. I praid with Aftab. I converted to Islam after I met Shaazia, but only practiced for a short while and than faided away. Not sure why. I know she will like to know I praid as Islam is important to her. I don't know the prayers but I followed Aftab. In Islam the prayer is one of the 5 pillars of the religion. Muslims perform five daily prayers at specific times throughout the day. Each prayer involves a specific ritual and recitation of specific verses from the Quran in Arabic.

The thought of losing her is indescribable painful. My mind is my own hell. Millions of dark loud thoughts are tearing trough it. I know I should not react to something hasn't happened yet. I should only think of what we know. And currently she's not critical. I hope the night will turn us from the bumpy road.